The truth?

As I sit here almost a year has passed in this beautiful campus. Beautiful yeah, but its funny how many of us fail to relish, enjoy and appreciate the beauty of this place; it is much more untouched and unspoilt than otherwise by man.

I reflect upon what I have learnt here over the past year and it has been seemingly short of nothing. I have passed two terms, apparently done well in one term and yet haven’t learnt anything of substance that I couldn’t have learnt outside of here in books.

As I imagine the faces of over 300 students here, I see the truth reflect upon me. None of us have come here to learn. It has never been our forte, never been our motivation, and never been our outlook to learn something. Maybe we lost faith in learning a long time ago. Maybe back in school where we were punished for asking too many questions, or momma asking us to shut, up eat and go to sleep.

Or maybe it was more recent, some of us wanted to be heard, to be praised, looked upon with reverence. Some of us want money, others want fame, others want to satisfy their ego’s others are just plain afraid they will fall back in the race, always wanting to be running in the front; they wanted to be at front in an IIM.

On the other hand, I see the so called professors, I pity them. Most of them are here to keep their jobs, are here to satisfy their ego’s being an IIM professor, to run a family. Amazing so few rather not more than one or two love what they do. Love what they teach? You got to be kidding me.

Yeah we are all together here, we all love each other. We say hi dude, what’s up, we care. But most of us have this image of ourselves, you know. Some of us are the cool guys, some of us the intelligent some the achievers, others are the fun mongers; none of us are plain humans. We are all striving for this false identity here, we love playing this game don’t we. Can I say this to her, what would she think of me, I am supposed to be this or that, only then would I look cool won’t I?

I see so many are insecure here, hell you are in an IIM, you reached this far and you are hopeless and afraid, you are always worried about your image, your projected future as well as past image of yourself, in this huge circus. I guess the homeless kids on the streets should commit suicide.

Hell, you all are cool dudes, friends out here loving each other, partying, drinking, dude we rock, K rocks. And you’d be gnawing at each other one day, not on the outside of course, remember you have an image, you can’t show the fact that you are jealous can you? But you will be like a pack of dogs fighting over bones when placements come round. Till then we can all play this circus, this circus of self imposed images, false professors trying to teach, getting grades for doing whatever has to be done, maybe clean his shit even.

Success at all costs eh! Awesome, I’d have this and that, and what not “material want”. I’d be revered respected and feared. I am the beast. And the next thing you know your parents will die one day. Your wife might divorce you, your boss will abuse you, your car breaks down all the time, you need to finish the project or hell you’ll be chucked out of job, you need to get that promotion over the other bastard so suck up to the boss. My friend the game doesn’t end here, if you think it does and there is eternal peace in the yonder you are bloody mistaken and delusional. You re bloody deluded. Living in an illusion.

Wow, so what the hell does this guy want to say? He wants us to quit and leave and beg on the streets? He! Is deluded.

Well, apparently not. Quitting is in fact the biggest form of delusion.

What we must do and must see as a fact in front of us is, “what has led us to this madness?” This mass maniac behaviour, the same behaviour if you do observe carefully, has in fact destroyed all of mankind. It has made us kill each other. People make body bombs (killing little kids and sewing up bombs inside their bodies), slit each others throats, siphon of money from the poor, corruption, mass corruption, murder, rape, conning, and what not greater horrors we see in everyday life. Is it not the same psychological functioning that we right now exhibit, apparent in the behaviour of mankind? He kills in the name of “his” god, “his” religion,” his” great country, ”his” number one company, he wants to be the best, he can’t lose face amongst his community, he is “the dude” out there too, you know? Apart from the fact that he makes body bombs and kills little kids.

Is it not the same kind of mental process, that has made a mockery out of mother nature, people do not find clean water to drink, clean air to breath, of course there is no use of talking of these beautiful gifts of nature, when we have all got our video games and what not to make us forget something beautiful ever existed outside of brick walls and canned air.

How often do we find true love among man and woman all we find are looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend to show to our friends? Look, I have a boyfriend. He is from an IIM you know. It makes it all the easier if she has big boobs and where’s tight t shirts, makes it all the more easier to love her, and care for her and promise to stay with her all life :p . Of course there might well be a volcano waiting to erupt after you get married.

Where does this madness arise from? Well you find out and please do let me know where it does.

As far as I am concerned it’s the “ego” we have built up over all these years. We never” accept”, never” agree” never “observe” things as they are. We live in the past, in the future, never in the “now and here”. Never see the horror ,we screen out, never see the madness we screen out, never see the stupidity we screen out, we live in this “bundled sphere of nervous energy”, day in and day out “mar mar ke jee rahe ho yaar”. And this nervous energy is further replenished, fed, cuddled, patted, grown and blown up, day after day. Work hard, get placed build your ego. Work hard get a sexy wife build up your ego. Work hard, get promoted build up your ego. And we keep rising to greater levels of fear, neuroticism and nervous energy. Who cares we have beer to let go don’t we. Funny how we need a beer to be “our true selves”. Impotent creatures we are, fucking cowards.

Let me forget I exist, right now . I am no boy who wrote CAT or who wants to be an I-banker or a consultant. Let me not think about all that. Let me just see this marvel called earth. This beauty called the universe, these wonderful human beings it created, the brilliant technology we invented, the unbelievable power of human creativity and imagination, of curiosity and wonder.

Let me see, that I am nothing, I am a joke. A joke in this long period of human history, I count for nothing. Let me perceive this world with eyes, listen, feel and touch, feel wonderful.

I feel warmth in my bed I enjoy it. The gentle breeze in the evening I enjoy it, something new to learn I enjoy it, a new piece on the newspaper today I read in curiosity and wonder. I see a beautiful woman I do not compare her to anyone I just admire god’s creation. I read financial valuation I am awestruck at the power of mathematics. I am astounded at how a billion people are part of a single financial system where savings flow into useful investment through a wonderful banking system. Yes some people make indiscriminate money out of it, but that can’t be for long in an efficient market, wow could you have thought ever of an efficient market system, a market regulator? I search on Google and I am dumbstruck at the power of computing, of course I am sure Brin and Page didn’t discover Google because they wanted to become billionaires or hated their peers and were jealous or wanted to come first in class. Guess they plain saw the bloody usefulness of it, loved to code and were not afraid to go the distance. They had nothing to lose, hell, they had not image to live up to. They just plain lived, and had fun.

Of course you never had the time to think in this manner, there is an Indian economy quiz tomorrow and you need to read the notes and mug up the facts and figures so that you can contribute as a successful manager when you take business decisions in the future.

All the best to you, my dear friends. I do not see a bright future ahead for you (in the happiness index, not the GDP). But I still love you. I am sure not many of you would have read this piece objectively without making judgements and without having a preconceived image of the person who wrote it, or your own ideas. We are all afflicted by this disease you know, and we a re proud to stay ill, after all, it’s “our ego” at stake. Really can’t let it go, can we? J

But let me just quote John Lennon here, I think he put across all this much more beautifully, in the blockbuster hit song “Imagine”.

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Yeah sure John , you were not the only one.